I have seen loads of it is a bit cold, I will do it when the summer comes; only to say in the summer, see it is not that bad, it will last another winter!
But watch how quick the handyperson part of your commitment jumps in and says, “look trust me, I am doing it when it gets warmer , which will probably be replied with “Its 34 degrees outside how hot do you want it to be? In addition, re replied with “Yeah it too Hot” with the partner thinking “phew that saved a couple hundred quid... “Bet I could do it cheaper myself “whilst saying out loud to the other partner Ile get my hammer” which the suddenly your other partner bursts out sobbing, saying to themselves – “OMG Anything but that jinxed hammer”
You see that is love is it not, where the partner truly blames the hammer for being jinxed over the suspect talents of their partner. Alternatively, stupidity but that depends upon how much in love you are! Mind you, looking back, never mind?
Any way back to the story!
Where were we Oh yeah the costings.
1 Roll of non paper thin excuse for roof felt £50
Wood strips for the sides, for if the roof is knackered then the batons will be as well £10
1 tin bonding mastic £25
if batons are thick 10mm 4" plus batons add £15
Removal of rubbish from site must be either by way of a skip, £100
Or by way of personal disposal that has a paper trail £0 "Ha that is £100 quid saving there"
However as we pride ourselves on cleanliness we will bag the waste should that option be prefered.
""Ha that's an extra hour saving" So what its 5 mins to bag all that waste max" remind me to tell the missus to put bin-liners on the lists list I mean wtf a list for lists, so now I have l is with bloody sub lists with how to do on each then it will be her fault on the exact day I am going to start work, the day after she has been shopping and I have checked the lot for no bin liners... ha ha ha ha ha!!! OOps " morning love" " it would be if the shed roof was done." " ffs let me have a cup of tea first"
As she thinks to herself I bet he is waiting for me to go shopping and forget these garden strong bin liners, that do not break everytime so he can stop work. Not this time sunny Jim you're doing it .
"any way what's wrong with a sub list it allows me to check his progress and if he is lacking I can show him the quote broken down into labour hours from that bloke who only wants to really tell his story! Mind you I do know somebody like that!
Her "don't forget the mastic honey to stick in the baton holes"
Him thinking "look who's doing this job me or you!" replying " got it covered dear" re thinking " OMG who the hell has she been talking to and more importantly where the hell am I going to get some clear mastic, without her noticing with disapproval... goes into other room to phone his m8 up. When his mate answers the phone he them begins whispering" Got any mastic, "yeah m8 I have loads innit." stop with the gangsta crap your a middle aged man living in suburbia "do you want my help or not" Yeah I want some mastic, "sure brother what you want"
suddenly in the background he hears a voice
Is that you on the phone dear
"OMG Think" "Think dam you, don't say it do not say it i am telling you
"Yeah just organising a special date"
You said it you just had to say it didn't you"
Who the hell are you! I am exandivoka the keeper of your sanity and I appear when you do dumb things.
The last one cost you £400 quid and even then you made her look fat in her new dress and ruined everything... fancy telling her she looked cuddly, have I taught you nothing. The bloke doing the Job would only have cost £250 and you don't have to sit through 3 hours of "ohh well I thought this could have been better snipes"
Ha I hope he is short fat and old that will wind her up.
oh yeah felt nails £5
" ohm a surprise! is it for me?"
oh crap shortie un deletes audio and video on the phone, sorry shorty m8 just give me 5, " not a problem brother" "Of course dear who else would it be for" thinking "the surprise would be me pushing you into the pits of hell, but i can always wish!"
"Are you there dear" you have gone and done it again! Have you not learned anything in 20 years of marriage, you had to ask her a question..
Her reply "I am on the phone dear"
His thoughts "what do you mean on the phone. how come when i am on the phone you can interrupt me! His works "OK Dear"
Oh crap shortie!
Hi m8 sorry about that "she burnt the sausages again" Listening from outside the door"
Shortie "I feel you man" now what was it you wanted again!
"some mastic some frigging mastic how many times do I have to say it."
" ok man chill out dude, I got mastic,"
what colour is it?
"Erm Mastic colour?"
Look on the tube shortie it will give the colour.
hey man there's dried stuff on the end and its a dirty white colour
grrr snarl spit " Just read the bloody colour label"
" look brother you seem to be getting stressed over nothing"
Stressed this morning started of from her asking me to finish the roof, to me running about for mastic of a particular type, having to organise a surprise, that's another 400 quid I had better take her to Luigi's this time I don't think Tescos' cafe was a good idea last time and repairing a shed roof I said would only take an hour it's one o'clock now and we have been on the phone for an hour and still cannot decide what mastic and colour you have.
Her thinking whilst on the phone" I hope he is tall dark and handsome, and somebody I can flirt with and who respectfully flirts back. All I ever get from him is a dinner in Tescos whenever he screws up! I looked a right plonker in my new evening dress. I mean what stupid idiot takes his wife out for dinner as in lunch time. No candles everybody giggling at us and to top it off, he calls me cuddly! in front of everybody in Tesco's.
I am getting Luigi's out of him if it kills me"
" oh dam better answer mr romantic" I am off the phone now dear, what did you want"
Him, "Oh nothing dear I just booked Luigi's" thinking "that will shut her up" whilst the little man inside his head keeps telling him, " when will you ever learn"
Her "Luigi's he must have really screwed up"
Him " and I have ordered the bottle of wine you love and I hate"
Her" OMG What's he screwed up this time."
I have written about planning permission requirements here
But please bear in mind I always write with a partner thoughts element, or should I say my interpretation.